So my inner first grader does not want to write this blog. I feel a kind of dread similar to the feeling I would get before the “testing” in gym class for the darn fitness patch. So as I hold my breath, here is the news I am reluctant to deliver….I have yet to do a single pull up.

Yep. That’s right; not one. I have been on quite the training path since April, and while my commitment hasn’t wavered, my muscles have. This process has not only been a trial for me physically, but mentally as well. I’ve dealt with the feelings of defeat when my weight stays the same. The frustration at not being able increase my muscle mass – or not as fast as I would like, anyway. The feelings of defeat that after all these months I can’t even squeak out half of a pull up.

These feelings of defeat are something that is talked about frequently behind my office doors. It is hard to continue doing something when you don’t see results-especially when you’ve blasted your goals to friends, family and in my case, the entire world by putting myself out there on the blog. This is when people tend to fall off the wagon. This is when people give up or move on to something else. This is when we live in our defeat.

I was sulking in these murky thoughts this morning not wanting to go to the gym. “Why? What’s the purpose?” I asked myself. I couldn’t even lose a little weight, let alone hit my ultimate goal. I took a deep breath, caught my completely natural, human, yet unhealthy thoughts and proceeded to lace up my shoes. I put on my stocking cap and started my 20 minute walk up to the gym. Part of my best self is self-care, and part of my self-care includes exercise; so there I was at the gym.

I will beat the odds life has stacked against my ability to do a darn pull-up. Does it really matter how long it takes to prove my elementary-school-self wrong? It the grand scheme of things probably not.

Mind over matter. Work hard. You are stronger than you think.